Alice Yu Yuebo - Embrace Uncertainty

What is your story of becoming a mother?

Becoming a mother at 25 was a complete surprise.

I was not long from graduating from the university, pursuing a part-time Master's degree while working full-time in a communications agency. I was young, ambitious, and very stubborn; I firmly believed that if I set a goal, strategised around it, and persisted, I would achieve it successfully "as predicted".

But motherhood has taught me that life doesn't always go as planned, somewhat in an unexpected way.

In early 2017, life brought several complications, so I decided to switch to part-time study and take a less demanding job. I thought it would be a time to shed some heaviness and live more easily. At that point, I learned I was pregnant.

I remember my mind going blank when the gynaecologist said, 'Congratulations!' My husband's hand was trembling. Finally, after sitting in the quiet for a while, we looked at each other and murmured, 'We need to get ready,' as if we were going into a difficult exam back in the university.

The earlier months of pregnancy certainly had many moments, but the most memorable experiences for me were lying on the bed and feeling the cold ultrasound gel on my belly. I would gaze at the 'tiny dot' on the screen for a long time, resisting the chill. I would ask for a photo each time and start keeping a journal to capture every stage of this transformation - not only for "him", but also for "me".

Every visit to the gynae reminds me of my new identity, which I had yet to fully embrace or understand. I felt that documenting these changes could gradually increase my readiness, and eventually, one day, I would be knowledgeable enough about what it means to become a mother. Did I?

Share with us some moments of change in your motherhood journey.

During my pregnancy, the biggest change was in my body. In my last trimester, I experienced drastic physical and mental changes, including swelling, anxiety, and depression. It even persisted for another year or so after childbirth, before I founded Mama on Palette and opened up talking about that vulnerability.

The early years of motherhood changed my level of resilience. I never knew I could sleep less than three hours a night while getting up to pump, feed, swaddle, and change nappies, pursuing studies and working full-time. No extended family support, no helper, only my husband and me.

Looking back, I was grateful for that period of struggle, which assured me I could live with uncertainty, even though it felt uncomfortable. It also prepared me to embrace any new challenges life may bring.

Over the past two years, I've experienced another change: moving to a new country where I knew nobody, giving up a decade-long career, and becoming a student again.

My son has to rebuild his friendships; I have to reboot my learning system; and my husband has become a full-time stay-at-home dad. Nevertheless, this experience taught us the importance of trusting and leaning on each other, and of not seeking perfection. If motherhood has taught me anything, it's to embrace uncertainty and change, while holding on to my values to guide the way.

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How does creativity play a role in these moments of change?

Those who have heard about Mama on Palette would know how art has saved me from postpartum depression, also known as PPD. Recently, as I am experiencing the new changes, I can't help but feel that keeping curious, creative and conscious gives me a light of hope amidst adversity.

In a radio interview I took part in years ago, the host humorously summed up my journey: 'When you find nothing fits you, you start one on your own.' And it seems to be truly the case: when I navigated complex situations or environments, I openly sought others' opinions while working on developing my own ideas to pave the way. This requires creativity and critical thinking; often, it also means taking bold action based on initial ideas, making mistakes, pausing to reflect, and trying again.

I believe these values remain important in many aspects of our lives, and I started experimenting with how to integrate them into my educational initiative, The Sustainable School, to help children learn about sustainability and translate that into real-life behaviours.

I am approaching this new journey with curiosity.

What are some of the obstacles you face when changing?

The struggle between practical needs and passion.

Over the past eight years, I've been juggling a full-time job, a non-profit, and other passion projects (like writing a book and making a short film!) while trying to spend as much quality time with family as I could. But like anyone else, I have limited time, energy, and resources. I didn't realise it until I was on the verge of burnout that the 'balance' comes with sacrifice.

It's about prioritisation, about thinking deeply about what happiness means to me, and about redesigning choices that fit me, not anyone else. So far, it is still a work in progress.

What additional support, in your opinion, can help mothers embrace better mental well-being?

Family is, in my view, the most immediate layer of support. While we can seek help from friends, communities, and social agencies, they do not share our daily lives. After a tough day, we often crave a warm cup of tea, a gentle hug, or simply some peaceful silence when we return home. The unspoken understanding and empathy shared among those who live together and support one another daily form the foundational support I wish for every family and extended family.

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About Slowing down, Motherhood:

Slowing Down, Motherhood is a human library (“anthology”, in formal terms) that collects authentic stories of motherhood where art* serves as a catalyst for change. Whether it’s a career switch, a shift in mindset, or a different way of dealing with things, we want to hear the why and how it happened, and what it has brought to motherhood.

Anyone who identifies as a mother can submit up to two stories via this link.

About Mama on Palette:

Mama on Palette is Singapore's first community for mothers who love art. It aims to raise awareness of maternal mental well-being through community-led art programmes and creative storytelling. As a volunteer-run, not-for-profit organisation, Mama on Palette has partnered with various private corporations, grassroots networks, and government bodies to deliver a variety of art exhibitions, events and workshops spotlighting mother artists in Singapore since 2018. Its story was featured on DM International, Channel NewsAsia, The Straits Times, Lianhe Zaobao, The Asianparents, Berita Harian, and recognised as a leading Ground up Movement (GUM) by Singapore Kindness Movement in 2021. Visit them at: www.mamaonpalette.com.