Clarissa Maskilone - Finding Belonging Through Art

What is your story of becoming a mother?

I became a mother in my late 30s. Before that, my husband and I had made a conscious decision to enjoy life together first. We spent our early married years going to as many music festivals as we could because live music was one of the many things we both mutually loved. We never planned exactly when we would become parents, but one day I simply knew I was ready. My body felt ready.

At 37, we welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world, and just like that, our lives changed overnight. The music festivals stopped, but a completely different journey began. Looking back, becoming a mother wasn’t just about having a child. It was the beginning of becoming a different version of myself, even though I didn’t realise it at the time.

Share with us some moments of change in your motherhood journey. It can be either a physical change or a mental change.

We had our son after living in Singapore for just under two years. I didn’t have family here, and I didn’t have what people now call a “mother village.” To be honest, I didn’t even know I needed one. I’d always been fiercely independent and was used to figuring things out on my own. Motherhood humbled me in ways I never expected.

I tried attending different mum meetups because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. But I remember leaving those gatherings feeling smaller than when I arrived. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing, while I quietly wondered if I was the only one struggling. Instead of feeling supported, I felt like I wasn’t doing motherhood “right.” Eventually I stopped going altogether.

Looking back, I realised I wasn’t just adjusting to becoming a mother. I was adjusting to becoming a different version of myself. My needs had changed, yet I kept trying to fit into spaces that weren’t meant for me. For a while I thought the problem was me, when really I just hadn’t found my people yet. That realisation changed everything.

How does creativity play a role in these moments of change?

Creativity became much more than making art. It became the way I found my people. I had already been exploring different creative practices before becoming a mother. Around that time I was enjoying doodling and drawing, and instead of continuing to search through general parenting groups, I started asking myself a different question: Who are the mothers I genuinely want to spend time with?

One day I posted in a mums’ Facebook group asking if there were any mothers who loved art and wanted to meet for coffee and doodling. I wasn’t expecting much, but the response surprised me. A handful of mothers replied, and we arranged to meet.

Ironically, the post became so active that I was eventually removed from the Facebook group because the conversation no longer aligned with its purpose. At the time I laughed it off because something much more important had already happened.

We met. We shared coffee, sketchbooks, conversations and stories. Motherhood was part of what we talked about, but it wasn’t the only thing that connected us. For the first time since becoming a mother, I didn’t feel like I had to fit in. I simply felt understood.

Creativity gave us something meaningful to gather around. It reminded me that I was more than a mother, and that the friendships I was looking for could begin with shared curiosity instead of shared parenting milestones.

What are some of the obstacles you face when changing?

I’ve always been fiercely independent, so accepting that motherhood couldn’t be navigated entirely on my own was probably the hardest shift of all.

Finding like-minded mothers was also more difficult than I expected. Many of the meetups I attended felt unintentionally competitive. I still remember one mother asking me which primary school I had chosen for my son when he had only just turned two! Moments like that made me question whether I belonged.

Then, just as I had finally found a small community where I felt at home, the pandemic happened and everything came to a halt. But those experiences also taught me something important: not every community is your community, and that’s okay.

What additional support, in your opinion, can help mothers embrace better mental well-being?

I wish there were more third spaces where mothers could connect through shared interests instead of motherhood alone. When we gather around something we genuinely enjoy, whether that’s art, music, books or anything else, conversations happen more naturally and friendships grow more organically. We remember that we’re whole people with passions, identities and dreams beyond caregiving.

Sometimes what a mother needs isn’t another parenting workshop or advice on raising children. Sometimes she simply needs a space where she can feel like herself again. Looking back now, I realise I wasn’t just searching for a community. I was slowly learning how to create one. The spaces I longed for as a new mother eventually became the spaces I now help build for other women through Art Club

Singapore and Mama on Palette.

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About Slowing down, Motherhood:

Slowing Down, Motherhood is a human library (“anthology”, in formal terms) that collects authentic stories of motherhood where art* serves as a catalyst for change. Whether it’s a career switch, a shift in mindset, or a different way of dealing with things, we want to hear the why and how it happened, and what it has brought to motherhood.

Anyone who identifies as a mother can submit up to two stories via this link.

About Mama on Palette:

Mama on Palette is Singapore's first community for mothers who love art. It aims to raise awareness of maternal mental well-being through community-led art programmes and creative storytelling. As a volunteer-run, not-for-profit organisation, Mama on Palette has partnered with various private corporations, grassroots networks, and government bodies to deliver a variety of art exhibitions, events and workshops spotlighting mother artists in Singapore since 2018. Its story was featured on DM International, Channel NewsAsia, The Straits Times, Lianhe Zaobao, The Asianparents, Berita Harian, and recognised as a leading Ground up Movement (GUM) by Singapore Kindness Movement in 2021. Visit them at: www.mamaonpalette.com.